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More Saudi women say no to marriage
 A Saudi woman shops for gold jewelry with her husband at a gold store in the Souk al-Zal market in Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia. (Photo by Salah Malkawi/ Getty Images) |
It seems that more Saudi women are choosing to stay single, the older they get. A survey by the Saudi Ministry of Finance and Planning found that 97.4 percent of Saudi women married before reaching the age of 30.
There are more than 180,000 spinsters in Saudi Arabia — meaning women who have reached the age of 30 years and have missed the “optimum age” of marriage, according to an Aug. 14 article in Gulf News.
In other words, if a Saudi woman is not married before 30, she is doomed to life as a spinster.
“Calling me a spinster at 29 is crazy,” says Nouf Al-Shafei, a Saudi citizen living in Cairo, Egypt. “Anywhere else in the world, I’m still young, but when I go back home [to Jeddah] my relatives criticise me and pity me for being old and unmarried.”
Al-Shafei indicated that one of the reasons behind her choice to stay single is the increasingly high divorce rate in Saudi Arabia: 2.4 percent of the female population, or approximately 180,000 women, were divorced in 2007, according to the ministry study.
“My friends got married because they were scared of getting older and not finding any suitors,” Al-Shafei added. “It’s expected in Saudi society, just like in any conservative Arab society, that you get married when you’re young and have kids. But most of my girlfriends are getting divorced or they’re very unhappy, so I’m holding off till someone [worthy] comes along.”
According to Arabian Business.com, nearly 62 percent of marriages in Saudi Arabia end in divorce.
Experts have various theories about the cause of the problem, from parents not preparing their children for relationship responsibilities to domestic violence to polygamy.
In an interview with Asharq Al-Awsat daily newspaper, Dr. Jamal al Touwayriki, a child psychologist at the King Fahad National Guard hospital, said that he believes that Saudi parents spoil their children, not teaching them how to cope with everyday problems or preparing them for adult duties. Once couples marry, they are unaccustomed to resolving conflicts or handling responsibilities.
Most Saudi divorces occur during the first three years of marriage, according to a study conducted by Dr. Ebtisam Halawani at King Abdul Aziz University, cited in an August 2008 article on ArtArabia.com.
Halawani’s study cited violence and ill-treatment as the main reason behind most divorces, while sociologist Abdullah Al-Fawzan at King Saud University in Riyadh told Asharq Al-Awsat that polygamy is responsible for up to 55 percent of divorces.
Fawzen added that couples often marry in the early stages of a relationship based on appearances and not compatibility, or as the result of a family arrangement, thereby having little time to get to know each other. As a result, incompatibility and misunderstanding can arise and lead to a breakdown of the relationship.
“People get divorced too easily in Saudi Arabia,” says 28-year-old Hasnaa Abdul Fatah. “Our parents’ generation stayed married no matter what; now my friends are getting divorced for the stupidest reasons. We’re so spoilt and used to having everything easy, and when things get hard in a relationship, we get out of it. People [in Saudi Arabia] don’t have the basic knowledge of how to make a relationship work.”
Halawani’s study warns that the divorce rates will continue to rise, estimating that there will be eight million single women in Saudi Arabia by 2020.
It was once unheard of to divorce in Saudi society, yet given the persistently increasing number of divorces, it seems that the deeply conservative community has had no other choice than to accept its growing spinster population.
Shaden Al-Rais, a divorcee and mother of three, told ArtArabia.com that marriage does not mean happily ever after. “But divorce does not necessarily mean miserable for life for the ex-wife and children,” she added.
“My relatives will keep on pressuring me, I know that,” says Al-Shafei. “But it’s getting less and less every time I go. I think they’re giving up hope on me and will leave me alone.”
Reader Comments
First of all, marriage is a big responsibility. Compromise and moderation between the two parties are the keys to a life of stability. Some people think that a period of engagement is important, so that the couple can grow to understand each other. There are those who believe that this will allow the couple to see their strengths and weaknesses and to evaluate their ability to live together in all circumstances, difficult and easy. This does not really work, though. Older age should not necessarily mean that an individual has less of a chance of marrying. On the contrary, with more years comes maturity, greater understanding of life, and the ability to build a home where stability prevails.
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